The Munchkins

Life with identical twins

Carrot vs Stick

on November 15, 2016

First. If you are looking to be the change you want to see, but maybe you’re not sure how to do that locally, I like The Happy Hippie Foundation. From their site you can choose what you’re passionate about and they will connect you with local organizations that help in that area. Most of them are fairly obvious, but it’s a nice place to start. Also, I read Ta-Nehisi Coates’ book six months ago maybe? It’s an incredibly thought provoking book about race in America and what it means to be black. It made me look at my white privilege in ways I never had. It’s an excellent first step against the racism that seems to be growing these days.

Onward.

Yesterday we were late for the bus. Again. Except this time, we actually missed the bus. My fellow bus stop moms did the sad, slow wave as we drove past with the bus 100 yards in front of us. So close, but so far. We had had a good few days, but about the time we needed to walk out the door, Delaney came out of her room with no shoes on, no coat, no hat, and no snack. And so we were late.

I have tried tackling this issue many ways. Leave the breakfast table earlier. Get almost everything done before you even come to the breakfast table. List of things to do in the morning. I’ve tried to brainstorm with Delaney what would help. She is just incredibly easily distracted these days and if she is supposed to do something, she automatically doesn’t want to do it. (If you’ve read Gretchen Rubin’s book, she’s a Rebel. Which reminds me, maybe I should reread that book.)

I’ve talked before about how I’m more about consequences if you don’t do something, versus rewards if you do. Someone posted something on Instagram about realizing belatedly that their kid is definitely all about the carrot and couldn’t care less about the stick, and how realizing that changed everything in their relationship. It made me think, because right now Caden is kind of the same way. She doesn’t want to hear any criticism (see piano, horseback riding, and softball). Even gentle suggestions are met with fingers in her ears and stomping feet. Maybe I’m approaching this the wrong way?

Here’s the thing. I don’t really want to give rewards for getting to the school bus on time. On the flip side, it’s not like there is a consequence to them for being late either. Delaney repeatedly apologizes for making us late, but that doesn’t change anything either.

I’m open internets. Is this just a rite of childhood? Me asking her to put on her shoes and her spending 10 minutes giving the dogs kisses goodbye? Do I do a sticker chart wherein Caden will kill it and Delaney will cry because she didn’t get any prizes? Am I a crazy liberal parent for giving prizes for getting out the door on time?


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