The Munchkins

Life with identical twins

Finding her way

on December 6, 2012

When I picked Delaney up on Tuesday her teacher told me that she had been caught lying three times that day. Delaney has certainly been known to lie to me at home, but at school? Never. I started thinking about how she has been sobbing when I drop her off in the mornings, and I knew something else was behind all of this.

The weird thing for me about their behavior at school is that it seems to be the exact opposite of what they are at home. Delaney has been awesome with me, and an awesome sister to Caden. She bends over backwards to make sure Caden is happy, and is always going above and beyond to be helpful with me. What was going on?

As we talked about it on the ride home, I knew what it was. Her best friend left their daycare about a month ago. I knew she was upset about it at the time, but I think his absence was affecting her more than I thought. She has another friend at school, but the two of them fight a lot. They are both strong willed and like to control things, so it’s a recipe for disaster. This other friend is going through a bit of a mean girl stage, telling other girls not to play with Delaney. Oof, break my heart. (The other girl is a good kid, they just aren’t good together.)

I finally told Delaney that she needs to stop playing with her. Time to move on and find other friends. We talked about the other girls in her class, but there wasn’t really anyone that stood out. So I talked to her teacher about it yesterday morning and asked if she had any suggestions for friendships we should try to encourage. We both agreed on one friend (whom I love!) that we both thought would be perfect for Delaney.

When I picked up the teacher commented on how vastly improved Delaney’s mood had been all day. The teacher had separated her from the friend she fights with, and paired her with the friend we want her to play with. It worked! Those two were bff’s, even coloring their projects exactly the same. And it was clear from her mood that she really needed that connection with someone.

Both of my girls become slightly unmoored when they don’t have a solid best friend in their classroom. I do wonder if it’s a twin thing, that need to always feel a connection with someone? Caden has found her someone (a boy, which didn’t surprise me at all) and she is giggles and smiles and jumping all day now. I’m hopeful with a little more encouragement, Delaney will have found her someone as well. And I’m incredibly thankful for daycare teachers that listen, know my kids, and can turn things around for them so quickly.

One response to “Finding her way

  1. Gretchen says:

    It’s so hard when they learn that they don’t have to be friends with everyone or when not everyone has to like them. Donovan is having an issue with some kids in school, and he can’t grasp that some people drift apart and aren’t friends with him anymore. And it was heartbreaking for me to hear him talk about it, I just wanted to cry for him. It’s such a hard lesson for everyone involved.

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